Loser
by rachelstarberry38
Summary: After The Break-Up Finn is left with sadness and depression. Told from Finn's POV. Features current New Directions, Burt, and Rachel.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

My life is over. I lost everything: high school, glee club, sectionals, my brother, my friends, and Rachel. The worst thing is definitely Rachel. I let the one thing I really care about slip through my fingers. She was the only person who ever loved me like that and now I feel lost without her. I can't get out of bed and face the world. Everything I see reminds me of her. Everything I do reminds me of her. Everyone I know reminds me of her. For three years, I tried everything to make her love me. I sang to her, I sang with her, I blew a competition so I could kiss her, I named my gun after her, I almost married her, I broke up with a beautiful, blonde cheerleader to be with her, and I nearly gave up on my dreams to be with her. Scratch that, I _did_ give up on my dreams to be with her. She was my world and it blew up. The world is over.

I slowly flip over and see the time is 11:30 am. I don't care. That gives me 15 minutes to get up and get ready to go to the tire shop. Maybe I should call in sick. I _am _sick mentally. If I don't have Rachel, I don't have anything. She was all I cared about for three years and now I don't care about anything. Everytime I've lost her, she's come back to me. That was in high school. High school is over now. As much as I hate to admit it, she's moving on. She's letting go of her old life. I've texted her at least 16 times: twice a day since the breakup. I sent her a 'good morning' text and a 'good night' text. I called her exactly four times, every four days. I know I should forget about it and move on. I know I should be strong and pretend to not care, but I'm not that guy. This was not that kind of breakup. This was real. I could never kiss her again or hold her again or comfort her. I love her. I love her so much.

I decide to try and stop thinking about her and go to work. I can't just bury myself in self petty. I have a life, a very crappy one if I might add. I stumble out of bed and get dressed trying to imagine her, sitting on my bed, waiting for me to offer her breakfast. I see her lying down; half dressed in a tank top and knee socks. I want to kiss her but she's not there. I smile at the thought of her lying on my bed after a fantastic night where I took her to Breadstix. I visualize the scene:

_Rachel is in a nice, pink, sleeveless dress just waiting for me to kiss her. I am staring at her beautiful face, running my hand through her hair. She picks up a bread stick and starts to bite on it, tempting me to pay the bill so we can leave. I lean in and kiss her passionately. She smiles as she presses her lips against mine. We leave after I pay and head back to my house. We lie down and watch a boring movie. I kiss her head and we make out for hours before she falls asleep in my arms._

I stop myself. I can't think about this; not yet. I get in my car and put in a cd. I see the cover: a photo booth strip of Rachel and me at the mall on her birthday. I'm kissing her cheek. The songs are our favorites: Faithfully, Don't Go Breaking My Heart, Open Your Heart, Borderline, More Than a Women, and I Just Can't Stop Loving You. We used to sing them to each other in the car on our way to school. Ugh. I miss her so much. I wish she felt the same way as I do. Faithfully, our song begins to play and I hear her voice. I see her singing. I see myself tell her I love her. I see her confused and happy. That was by far one of the best days of my life. Now she is probably eating a vegan burger with that Brody guy. Doesn't he see that part of this is his fault? Rachel likes him now and she hates me. She doesn't even want to be friends with me. I drive to the tire shop. I haven't worked there or seen Burt since the breakup but I think I'm ready.

I pull in and run up to Burt.

"Hey Finn, how was your week?" Burt has no idea.

"Terrible, I just…Rachel came back to…" I'm such a dork. I can't even tell my step-dad what happened. I feel tears forming but I don't care. Burt hugs me and I just stand there, unsure of what to say.

"What did she do? Maybe you should talk to her dads…I never thought this would happen. Kurt hasn't talked to me since Blaine left either. How do you feel?" Burt sits down at his desk.

"I think him and Blaine broke up. I just feel lost. I devoted my life to her and now I lost her. She was the one good thing, the one thing that I love that actually loved me back for three years. I need her to love me."

"That's sad. New York definitely changed Rachel and Kurt. They've been there for four months, not four years. Kurt said he even gave her a permanent makeover."

"Yeah, she looks different and acts different. It's not like her to move on so fast like that." I try to think about old Rachel: beautiful. The only word I can think of is beautiful.

"How different?" Burt walks over to a customer.

"She dresses like Santana in short skirts and tight dresses. She wears lots of makeup and she kind of looks like a sad clown." I picture new Rachel: different.

"Wow…really different." Burt asks the customer what size tires he needs.

"Yeah, I miss her. She is with some guy named Brody now. He was on Broadway and he looks like the star of a Nicholas Sparks movie…The Last Song." I smile. Rachel made me watch that.

"Come on Finn, don't you want her back?" Burt tells the customer we're out of the right size tires.

"Of course I want her back but I can't compete with a music guy. I'm just a loser. I have to face the fact that she's too good for me." I start to pick up a wrench.

"You're not a loser, you just lost Rachel, and you're a music guy too, remember?" Burt grabs the wrench and sets it on the table.

"Not like him, I joined glee because I was black mailed." I laugh.

"Well, you need to at least try." Burt pulls out a tire for the customer.

"How? I live in Ohio. She lives in New York." I sigh and sit on a chair.

"You'll find a way." Burt pulls out change and hands it to the man I now recognize as Henry, a regular customer.

"Hey, aren't you Finn? You're that guy that was working here while Burt was in D.C. I found you back in the office with some girl. You two were all over each other!" Henry laughs and I fake smile.

"Really Finn? You had Rachel here?" Burt laughs and sees I'm depressed.

"Sorry, I have to go." I walk back to the office and lock the door shut. _Some girl? Rachel was not some girl! _I start to cry and remember that day.

_The shop was very slow and we hadn't had any customers for a few hours. Rachel was there to keep me company and she suggested I take a break. She kissed me and I pulled her into my arms. She jumped up and wrapped her legs around my waist. I carried her into the office so we could have some privacy but I forgot to lock the door. We kept making out and soon I wasn't wearing a shirt and Rachel was just in a bra. Then, Henry walked in and saw her against the wall without a shirt. We both laughed and put our shirts back on. I helped Henry and then closed the shop. We went up to my bedroom and never came out for the rest of the day._

Ugh, Rachel, you need to get out of my mind! I hear Burt knock on the door. I sit down and bury my head in my arms after opening the door

"I'm sorry, Finn." Burt walks over and sits in another chair.

"It's fine. It's my fault anyways. I love her too much." I leave my head in my arms, protecting it from this terrible world.

"It's not your fault, Finn." Burt tries to comfort me but I stand up and leave. I can't do anything. How am I supposed to face the world if I can't stop thinking about Rachel? I remember all the times we spent together, everytime I told her I loved her, and everytime we kissed. Why did she have to break up with me? I decide I need to hear her voice and I call her knowing she won't answer. To my surprise, somebody does.

"Hey, who is this?" A man's voice vibrates in my ear.

"Who is this? I was calling for Rachel." I know I have the right number.

"I asked first." He laughs and I hear Rachel ask why he's on her phone.

"Give Rachel her phone." I hear her tell him the same thing.

"She doesn't want to talk to you. She wants to spend time with me." He hangs up just as I hear Rachel say something mean. Great, now Brody is in control of _my _Rachel's phone. Wow.

Later, I'm eating at Breadstix with Mr. Schue. He is talking about boring glee stuff and I just interrupt him.

"How can I get Rachel back?" I still haven't told him we broke up so I'm guessing he is confused.

"What?" He just looks up at me.

"Well, when I went to New York, she kinda…well, she did…break up with me." I sigh and look down.

"Wait _she_ broke up with _you_?" Mr. Schue is really confused. Did he really think I broke up with her? The love of my life?

"Yeah, she was mad at me for making her go to New York," I never look up.

"Well I don't know how to get her back…" He trails off. "Wait, me and Emma are having our wedding on November third so maybe you could try something then."

"What if she brings Brody? He's her new boyfriend." It feels weird saying _Rachel's boyfriend_ when I'm not talking about myself.

"I'll tell her Emma doesn't want anyone she doesn't know at the wedding. I loved knowing you guys were together. If you weren't, the glee club was a mess. For example, she was with Jessie St. James, they were all spreading rumors, and there was just a lot of tension. The one Nationals that we won was while you were dating. I love both of you and I know you are both happy with each other." He stands up and signals for me to follow.

"Thanks, Mr. Schue," I say before he interrupts me.

"You can call me Will, I'm not your teacher anymore."

Later that day I was sitting in glee rehearsal with _Will_. They are running through a new number for sectionals but all I can think of is the memories. The times I held my arm around her, the time Santana said horrifying while we kissed, the times when we sang duets, the time we announced our engagement, when we sat next to each other, when I comforted her, and everytime I stood up for her. I can't help but think about her. She was and still is the most beautiful person I have ever met. Suddenly, I notice Will talking to me and I snap out of my daydream. "I'm sorry, what?"

"I said I want you to meet our new members: Marley, Kitty, Jake, and Unique." I shake Jake's hand and introduce myself to the other three students. I look at Marley right away and I see Rachel.

"I'm sorry, is there something wrong?" Marley asks me noticing the way I'm looking at her.

"Oh…no, you just remind me of…" I stop.

"You remind everyone of Rachel Berry. She was kind of our star singer and Finn's ex-fiancée." Will answers for me.

"Oh…thanks!" Marley smiles and sits down. I sit down, too, and think about my first time meeting Rachel.

_I was in my science class and was assigned Rachel for my partner. She invited me over to work on it. I walked up to the door and right before I knocked, I heard her sing. She was singing "Tonight" from West Side Story. I heard her voice and I felt like screaming. Know it all Rachel was a singer! She was amazing. I told her and she got all blushy and stuff. I think I loved her even then, four years ago._

I smile at the thought of her singing. Now I go on and search Rachel Berry. About 34 videos pop up (Rachel sings "On My Own", Rachel sings "Mama Mia", Rachel sings "Make it Shine", etc.) I click on Rachel sings "Faithfully" at regionals with Finn Hudson. I hear my voice and hers blend together. I notice everyone in the room staring at me. "Oh…um…sorry…when I think about her I kinda just…forget about everything else…" I blush and Will sits next to me.

"It's fine, there is something that makes us all like that. In fact, let's go around in a circle and everyone say the most special thing in the world to them." Will tells the club.

"My mom," Marley begins.

"My friends," Tina and Blaine high five each other.

"All of you guys and the glee graduates," Will tells us.

"I like everything," Sugar laughs.

"Cheerleading and church," Kitty responds. I smile to myself.

"She's just like Quinn," I say and everyone laughs.

"My family," Jake sighs and smiles at Marley.

Unique sighs, "My parents."

Artie happily replies, "My friends."

"Okay, all of you are saying stuff like family and friends and church. I agree. All of that stuff is special to me but there is one person that I love more than anything. The difference is all of your families and friends love you back. She doesn't feel the same as I do. She is with some guy named Brody. I don't know why but for some reason I want you guys to stop concentrating on boyfriends or girlfriends or your future and just focus on now and what you love now. I got so caught up in my future with Rachel that I forgot how much I love her now. I don't want any of you to have to go through what I am going through." I take a breath and continue. "So don't get your hopes up about being with the same person for the rest of your life."

"Wow that was really inspiring Finn," Will smiles. "The same thing happened to me. I thought I would be with my ex-wife forever. We were together since high school but it didn't end well. Everybody listen to Finn!" Everyone laughs.

"Thanks for the advice," Marley smiles and lies her head on Jake's shoulder.

"No problem." I smile and stand up to leave for my shift at the tire shop. I can't believe I just gave them advice that I'm not even using. Whatever…

**Hey! I decided to write something from Finn's perspective after The Break-Up. Just FYI I wrote this before I Do aired. I think it will only be 2 chapters but let me know what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

At the tire shop, I see a young girl walk in. She has chocolate brown hair and big brown eyes. Her lips are a shiny shade of light pink. She is wearing a purple shirt with a big bow on the front of it. The skinny jeans she is wearing look great with her tall black boots. I smile, "Hi, can I help you?" I know she is beautiful but I can't fall for her, I love Rachel.

"Hi, my tire just ran out of air so…" the girl smiles and looks down.

"Okay, well…where's your car?" I know I sound stupid but who cares?

"A few blocks away," she laughs. "I walked all the way here."

"Oh…do you know what size of tires you need?" I ask.

"Um…no…all I know is that I have a 2010 Ford mustang convertible."

"I guess we can just bring a few sizes and see what happens. By the way, what's your name?" I really want to know her name so I can call her something without saying 'lady'.

"Oh, I'm Clara White. You're Finn, right?" The girl, Clara, smiles.

"Yeah, did you see my nametag?" I laugh.

"Yeah, that's a cool name." She gives me a flirty smile and I just nod. _Finn, you love Rachel, you really, really love Rachel_.

"Thanks, Rachel always said that I…" I pause. She doesn't know who Rachel is!

"Who's Rachel?" She is totally reading my mind.

"Um…nobody…" I smile and try to not continue.

"Is she your girlfriend?" I see Clara slightly sigh.

"Um…no…why, do you care?" I smile, too, in a flirty way. Even though I can never love another girl doesn't mean I can't have a little fun while trying to get my girl back!

"Um…I'm not sure I should answer that!" She flirts back.

Later, I'm fixing her tire. She keeps flirting and I try to flirt back but it doesn't feel right. It's still fun to talk to a pretty girl without a beautiful girl suspecting I'm cheating on her. She keeps smiling and when I finish, I walk up close to her and she thanks me.

"Well, thanks, Finn, you're really nice." She smiles again and I look right in her eyes. Her eyes are amazing, very, very amazing (not as amazing as Rachel's eyes of course). I lean in and just kiss her. It feels nice, really nice (not as nice as when I kiss Rachel of course). Her lips wrap around my top lip, which feels weird because when I kiss Rachel she wraps hers around my bottom lip. I feel her smile against my mouth. I smile too. I hear her whisper something but I'm not sure what.

"What?" I pull away. That was a bad idea. I shouldn't have kissed her. I can't let her think I like her. _What are you thinking Finn?_I laugh casually and she giggles.

"That was really interesting!" She smiles.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. My girlfriend…fiancée actually…just broke up with me about a week ago so…" I look down. "I'm not ready to really move on."

"My boyfriend broke up with me this summer. It took me a few months to move forward. Thanks for your help. Here," She smiles and hands me a small card. "Call me maybe, like the song."

"I will," I nod and walk away to my truck. She's nice. I'm just not used to being single. Whatever…

After a few days I'm digging through my pocket trying to find a dollar but instead I find a little business card. It says: Clarice Peony White, 18. I smile. 18? Perfect.

I pull my phone out of my back pocket and dial the phone number. She answers with a disorganized voice. "Hello this is Clarice White. May I ask who this is?"

"Hello Clarice Peony White! This is Finn Christopher Hudson here to ask Clara a question. Is she available?" I joke and she giggles.

"Hello Finn Christopher Hudson, what question do you have?" She laughs and I grin.

"I was wondering if Clarice Peony White would be so kind as to go to Breadstix with me this Saturday but I'm sure she's very busy!" I hear her excitement.

"I, Clarice White, would love to! I'll meet you there at seven on Saturday!" Her voice echoes.

"Perfect, see you then, Clarice!" I hang up and laugh. I'm going on a date with Clara…

The week slowly passes and it's finally Saturday, October 27th. I arrive just on time to Breadstix, happy. I'm excited and hopeful this date will go well. "Hey Finn, nice to see you again," Clara walks over to an empty table and I follow her.

"You as well," I nod in agreement. We order and make small talk for an hour or two and when I finally look at my watch it's already 9:30. "We should go. You can come hang out at my apartment, if you want." My mom bought me an apartment as soon as I told her about Rachel and me.

"That sounds great." She smiles as I pay the bill. We walk outside and she gets in her car and follows me in mine. Soon enough, we're at my apartment just outside of Lima. When we walk inside, she giggles and I tell her to sit. We both sit on the coach and I suggest we watch a movie. I turn on some ABC Family movie and she pulls me in for our second kiss. It feels good to be with her. She's always so smiley and happy.

"Your lips taste like cherries," I flirt. She continues kissing me deeply. Soon enough, we're making out on my coach. Apparently she's nothing like Rachel since I get to second base with Clara right away. She sits up on top of me with her legs straddling my waist and she unbuttons the front of her light pink, long sleeved dress shirt. I slowly pull off my black button down shirt and there I sit with a hot girl on top of me in a black tank top and I'm shirtless. She pulls her own tank top off and stays sitting on me in her bra. I sit there; amazed I've gotten this far on our first date. Before I know it we are in my bed in my bedroom. She is lying on top of me kissing me and I'm lying underneath her as we pull each other's clothes off.

"Wait…" I stop her. "What are we doing?"

"What do you think we're doing?" She smiles and remains kissing me.

"Are you sure we should do this? We literally just met a week ago." I don't stop her this time.

"Look Finn, I'm not one of those girls who are extremely protective of their bodies. When I like a guy, I go for it. I like you. Let's just do this, okay?" She looks me in the eye and I feel persuaded. Her eyes are amazing.

"Sorry, I'm just not 100% over my ex-fiancée yet." I kiss her cheek.

"Do you want to be?" She smirks.

"Of course I do," I tell her.

"Then maybe this will help, I don't mind."

"Okay…fine…" All I can think about is my first time with Rachel: how amazing and right it felt.

"Good."

After a week of spending time with my…_girlfriend_…it's finally November 3rd, the day of the wedding. I don't bring Clara because I just want to spend time with my friends. So, I finally show up at the wedding and soon it's time for the reception. I socialize with my friends for a while but shortly find myself face to face with Rachel. "Hi Finn, how are you?" She asks me with an uncomfortable voice.

"Fine, how about you?" I try not to act like I miss her.

"Fine…"

"How is Brody?" I show a fake smile.

"Do you really care?" She knows me so well.

"Sure, even though the guy is a fiancée stealing jerk I'd love to know how your relationship is going." I let the words slip out of my mouth.

"Right, because our breakup is all his fault…"

"No, he just doesn't take a hint. It doesn't matter though. I have a new girlfriend. Her name is Clara." I brag.

"Oh really, congrats on that, Finn,"

"Thanks, you too, with Brody." I smirk and she notices.

"I think I still love you." She shocks me by saying this.

"I know I still love you." I smile.

"Can we kiss?" She surprises me again.

"Yes, but not here, follow me." I grab her hand and pull her out the door of the church and into the preacher's office. I lean in and kiss her. After a minute or two she deepens it and jumps up allowing me to pick her up. She wraps her legs around my waist and pulls my suit jacket off. I unzip her purple bridesmaids dress as she slip off my pants. "Wait…Rach…I don't have protection."

"Finn, does it look like I care?" She laughs.

"Are you sure?" I really want to do this.

"Positive," with that she pushes me against the wall.

The next morning, I wake up in my bed and see it is 8:30 am. Was all that with Rachel just a dream? I flip over only to find nothing, just the other half of my bed. I glance in the corner and see a purple, shiny, short dress: Rachel's bridesmaids dress. Score! She did sleep with me! I stand up and walk into the kitchen.

"Finn, we've been dating for a week and you already cheated on me! You're such a jerk!" I hear a voice yell. Oh God.

"Wow…what are you doing here?" I am extremely surprised to see Clara standing in front of me.

"I woke up this morning and heard her knock on the door so I answered it and she refused to leave so I introduced myself and she said she already knows all about me." Rachel laughs and walks over to me. I pull her into my arms.

"I can't believe you, Finn! We're done!" With that Clarice White storms out my door. I smile.

"I love you, Rach," I see her giggle and kiss my cheek.

"I love you, too," She finally says those three words I've missed so much. Mr. Schue was right. The wedding turned out exactly how I wanted it to.

**Alright...so I think that's it but if you want another chapter review and give me suggestions because I won't wite another chapter unless I get like maybe 3 suggestions :) Thank you for reading!**


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